Wednesday, April 16, 2014

The Glassmaker

There once was a very talented glassmaker.  He worked alone for many years and then decided to take on an apprentice.  Many young men applied, but the glassmaker was looking for very specific qualities: precision, patience, dedication, and a real desire to work with glass.  After weeks of searching, a young man walked into the shop and applied for the job.  The young man did not pretend to know all there was to know about glassmaking, as some applicants had done; neither did he feign wonder and awe as he looked around at the work the glassmaker had done.  He just asked a simple question: “Can you teach me?”  It was at that moment the glassmaker extended his arm to shake the hand of his new apprentice.

The apprentice started work the very next day.  He walked into the shop, looked around, and was surprised to see the glassmaker was not there.  Walking up to his new work space, the apprentice found two things – a piece of blue glass and a note.  Picking up the fragment and examining it, the apprentice felt an appreciation for its rich color and uneven edges made smooth over time.  He found a box in the shop and placed the glass piece inside after reading the note which simply said, “I have given you this piece of glass.  Another will be given to you tomorrow.”  He placed the box under his work bench, but straightened quickly when he heard the glassmaker coming down from where he lived above the shop.  The apprentice's first day went as quickly as an hour.

The second day was almost identical to the first – empty shop, piece of glass, note, work.  At first, the apprentice was able to keep track of how many days he had spent learning under the great glassmaker by counting the pieces in the box before dropping in the next.  Soon, however, there were too many pieces to count.  The apprentice could always tell what kind of day he was going to have by how he felt about that piece of glass.  Some mornings, he walked into the shop, full of anticipation, curious about the color, shape, and size of the day’s piece of glass.  Other mornings he felt indifferent about the colorful fragment and tossed it in the box without a second look.  Still other mornings he felt angry about the piece of glass, resentful of the glassmaker for not revealing to him why he was doing what he was doing.  No matter which reaction he had, there were always questions racing through his mind: Why am I doing this?  Am I supposed to know what to do with these?  What do these pieces of glass mean?  Most days, these questions were quieted by the simple act of beginning the day’s labor.  He was working so hard and learning so much that he barely had time to consider the strange morning ritual or its meaning.  The glassmaker made no mention of it, either.

Nine months into his first year with the glassmaker, the apprentice realized that the box was full.  It was then that he decided to bring the matter up with the glassmaker.

“Excuse me, sir?” said the apprentice.  The glassmaker looked up from his bench.  “The pieces of glass that you’ve been giving me every morning…well, the box is full, sir.”

The glassmaker smiled and said, “What should be done with those pieces of glass?”

Immediately anxious, the apprentice answered, “I’ve often wondered that myself, sir.  What would you have me do with them?”

“I believe,” said the glassmaker, “that I will leave that decision up to you.”

The apprentice felt afraid when he heard those words.  “But, sir!  I don’t know what I should do with them.  Can’t you give me some direction?”

“I have taught you for many days.  I entrust those pieces of glass to you.”  Without another word, the glassmaker turned around and continued to work.

The day was ruined for the apprentice.  He somehow managed to finish his own work, but his mind and heart were not in it.  All he could think about was this task that was looming large on the horizon.  That night, he tossed and turned for many hours, asking himself, “What does the glassmaker want me to do?”  By the time he arrived at the shop the next morning, he was exhausted and anxious.  The apprentice approached his work bench only to find a piece of red glass.  He threw it into the box with some force, and he tried to take deep breaths to slow his pounding heart.  However, as the glassmaker was coming down the stairs in his usual morning fashion, the apprentice felt his frustration boil over.

Spinning on his heel, he practically shouted, “How am I supposed to know what to do with these meaningless pieces of glass?  They are fragments…fragments!  Dull fragments of glass…useless trash!”  Looking at the glassmaker, he saw no anger or hostility in his face at all, just the patience that accompanies wisdom.  The apprentice immediately felt ashamed for his outburst, but he knew he couldn’t take back his words.  So he simply lowered his head and waited.

The apprentice heard the glassmaker’s measured steps as he walked toward the box of colored glass.  After a moment’s pause, the glassmaker said to the apprentice, “Come back in three days’ time and arrive before the dawn.”

Without a word and without looking up, the apprentice left the shop and spent the rest of his day wandering and thinking.  He knew he had been presumptuous and disrespectful; he worried that he had ruined his wonderful opportunity with the glassmaker.

“I’ve learned so much from him,” thought the apprentice, “and now I have insulted him.”  He fully intended to arrive in three days and be asked to pack up his things and leave.  “How could I have been so stupid?” he wondered.

On the day he was supposed to return to the shop, the apprentice woke up very early and readied himself, his heart heavy in his chest.  Not knowing what to expect, but still expecting the worst, he walked toward what he assumed would be a terrible day.  The tinkle of the bell that hung outside the door of the shop announced the apprentice’s arrival.  The glassmaker was already at his work bench, and the apprentice just stood at the door, waiting for a clue of what to do next.

The glassmaker turned around, a genuine smile on his face, and said, “Welcome back.  Let me show you something.”

The apprentice followed the glassmaker across the shop and toward a door that had always been locked.  The glassmaker turned the key, opened the door, and motioned for the apprentice to enter the now-unlocked room.  Silence reigned as the apprentice stared at what the glassmaker had so obviously wanted him to see.

It was dark outside, but the stained-glass window in front of him was still quite visible.  He could make out a pastoral scene – sheep, grasses, hills, flowers, clouds, and trees.  Off in the corner, a shepherd watched over the hills with a serene and steady eye.  The apprentice began to weep as the glassmaker began to speak.

“You were correct when you said that the box contained fragments.  But you were wrong when you said they were meaningless.  These pieces of glass can only be understood once they are placed side by side.”  He pointed at the red piece from three mornings ago.  “Alone that is a misshapen fragment of glass.  But next to the other misshapen reds, the odd-looking greens, and the jagged yellows, it becomes the bloom of a flower.”  He touched each piece as he spoke.  “And look at what these blue fragments create together – a sky that is clear and open.”  He paused and placed his hand on the apprentice’s shoulder.  “You must understand that it is the pieces that create the whole.  No piece is more important than another, and without each piece the window would not be complete.”  The apprentice nodded, still overwhelmed with emotion.

“It was also not entirely incorrect to say these pieces of glass are useless trash.  To some, they might seem to be.  But to someone like me, a glassmaker, these beautiful fragments are filled with potential.  Each piece’s usefulness becomes obvious when we look at this window.”  Again he pointed to particular shards as he spoke.  “This one was the exact shape I needed to construct the crook of the shepherd’s staff.  Those pieces there fit together to create this sheep.  Without the way that one is cut, the hill would seem to be flat.  Each piece’s shape is different than the next, but each one matters in the creation of the window.  Do you understand?”  The apprentice nodded again.

“But there is more,” spoke the glassmaker.  “You were telling the truth when you said these pieces of glass are dull.  Just looking into the box, it was hard to discern their color, their texture, their beauty.  Glass reaches its full potential when it is placed in the light.”  He paused, and the apprentice realized that the sun had been rising as the glassmaker had been speaking.  The window was taking on an entirely new appearance – the colors brilliant, the nuances obvious, the beauty breathtaking.  Softly, the glassmaker said, “It is only once the sun shines through these pieces of glass that they become all they were meant to be.  It is only the light that gives the glass life.”  No more was said as the glassmaker and his apprentice stood basking in the sunlight and drinking in the beauty of the window.

Finally after a long silence, the glassmaker said, “I have much to teach you if you are willing.  I will help you become a glassmaker, but you must learn to see glass differently.”

“I will, with your help,” replied the apprentice.

The next morning, there was a piece of green glass and an empty box waiting for him.

Thursday, April 3, 2014

Why Missing a Few Teeth Doesn't Have to Be a Bad Thing (Or, "On the Olympics and Working, Part 2")

As I’ve continued thinking through my last post about the Olympics and work (and why, at the end, I said that I felt that I hadn’t come full circle), this is the particular part that sticks out in my mind as “unfinished”:

Perhaps why I have loved watching the Olympics so much these last few years is because Olympians have challenged me to see more clearly my journey toward work I love.  Specifically, these amazing athletes have shown me the power of (A) try-try-trying again (also known as “making choices”) and (B) refusing to be afraid (also known as “making choices”).

When I first started writing about this topic several years ago, I spent a lot of time contemplating fear and disappointment and how those two ideas play a part in decisions about work.  Over the last couple months, I've kept those paper-bound ruminations close by.  I kept trying to find a way to adapt what I wrote in 2008 into a whole post, but it wasn't working.  So instead, here are some snippets of the thoughts that I had.  Some of it will sound familiar since I used it in last month’s post.

No longer do people ask what you want to be.  Now it becomes what are you going to do?  Not what do you love, but what are you good at?  (Thus implying that those are mutually exclusive.)  And after you get cut from the varsity baseball team, your mom sighs and says, “Let’s find something else to focus on.”  Inevitably, it’s working at the local sporting goods store or another variety of “almost…but not quite.”  Perhaps why so many people hate high school is because it is when they feel they should let go of “impossible” dreams and learn what the road to practicality looks like.  For four years, teenagers find things they love – things they could do all day – only to discover that “you can’t make a living doing that.”  And that's when they hear the death knell to their dreams.
***
My job right now is tolerable, but I can’t shake the nagging thought that I spend every day helping someone else love work more while I love it less.  I think it goes back to the idea that some of us take it better than others that what we really want to do won’t make us money.  We trade the security of knowing who we are and what we love for the security of paying our bills on time.
***
I figure I have to care about working in some capacity, or I would do very little voluntarily.  It’s not like I have a little man sitting on my desk, bull-whipping my hands whenever they are idle.  No, there is something else that keeps me moving 80% of the day – fear.  Fear that I’ll get caught emailing during work; fear that if I don’t finish tasks fast enough, my boss will yell at me; fear that if someone caught me off-guard and asked me what I was doing when I really was reading online news for the fifth time today, I wouldn’t be able to answer in a legitimate work-related fashion; fear that poor performance means I won’t get a raise.  Since when did fear become my primary motivational force?
***
I wonder how many women are living with fear as their sole stimulus.  We are afraid of getting fat, of being “old maids”, of having imperfect children, of our mothers’ opinions, of being unsuccessful, of ourselves.  After a while, we forget that we have a voice, as well.  We only have to hear the stealthy footstep of fear and immediately we stand at attention…and do what we think we “should.”  What a terrible word “should” is.  There’s a touch of finality when that word is uttered, even though the action technically hasn’t happened yet.  So many people (including myself) say it on a regular basis.  How many things do we tell ourselves we “should” do, when in reality it’s just the fear of what will happen (and what others will say) if we don’t?  Why does fear get to win?
***
There are people who have inspired me in one way or another.  And I maintain my stance that these people I put on a pedestal are not much different than I am.  However, I do believe it comes down to this fundamental fact: amazing athletes, people who do heroic things, and people who choose to live their lives pushing against the norm have one thing in common – they have chosen to ignore the influence of fear and “should.”  Each incredible person at one time or another has looked fear in the eye and chosen to walk away.  “Should” has no dominion over them.  And sometimes it doesn’t go as planned.  Muscles pull; mental toughness gives way; life disappoints; heroes don’t always win.  However, each time we see these incredible people put fear back in its proper place, we must recognize that a crucial battle has been won.

These sound bites have given me a springboard to evaluate (and re-evaluate) what I wrote about the Olympics and work last month.  In particular, by using them to think through last month’s “unfinished” ideas, I realized that I needed to amend my words.  I don’t think that “refusing to be afraid” is feasible or even possible.  I think what I had hoped to (but failed to) convey is exactly what the group of quotes above discusses: the idea that fear is real.  It can be a result of a variety of things – disappointment, failure, baggage, childhood, or a lack of confidence (among other things).  Whatever its origin, fear is a motivating force.  It can be hard to escape, and sometimes it’s the loudest voice we hear.  But we don’t have to give in to it.  We don’t have to let fear control us.  Despite that fact, I do believe we cannot always control the fact that we feel afraid, and that’s okay.  Giving fear a name is an important part of dealing with it, and we can only do that if we acknowledge it exists.  Furthermore, it can be difficult to make choices about how best to wade through fear if we haven't even admitted we're afraid.  So, I stand by what I wrote (in theory), because it is true that we have choices when it comes to fear. How we deal with fear is a choice.  But I would like to adjust my parenthetical claim that refusing to be afraid is always a choice.  J

Not to be left out of the adjustments, “Try-try-trying again” really should have been Point B up above and “Refusing to give in to fear” should have been Point A.  If someone is afraid of doing something they have just tried to do unsuccessfully, telling them things like "practice makes perfect" and "all you have to do is try again" can seem condescending. (Think of it like telling a recently single person that "there are other fish in the sea."  Not helpful.)  The fear of failing for a second (or third) (or fourth) (or more than fourth) time is one of those loud voices I mentioned above.  That voice can halt forward progress and delay personal growth.  It is a time usurper.  Now, we each have to work at our own pace, and taking time to deal with fear is necessary and healthy; but I believe that our ability to try-try-try again is a direct result of our choice to refuse to give in to fear.  It is usually once we decide that we are not going to be quelled by fear any longer that the prospect of try-try-trying again no longer seems daunting and nearly impossible.  And once we see fear for what it really is - one motivating force among many - it can become easier to see the benefit of trying again, of choosing to be motivated by something other than fear, of seeing failure as a step in the process rather than the end of the process.  I mean, when it comes to the choices we make as adults, it’s so easy to see failure as a final answer.

The truth?  Sometimes failure is a final answer.  Also the truth?  Sometimes it’s not.

Learning to determine if one failure “is” or “is not” is one of the more difficult aspects of growing up (I think).  It’s the difference between a TKO and a slow rise off the mat.  Admitting defeat takes courage, and giving yourself the permission to walk away can be as frightening as continuing to fight.  Then again, if you decide that you’re going to get up and keep fighting, you might have to face up to the fact that you’ve lost some teeth.  Your trainer may need to squirt water on your face a second time before you’re ready.  The crowd may be heckling you into believing you're finished.  But if you know that you have fight left in you, ignore the naysayers – especially the naysayer that resides somewhere inside your own head.  If you know it’s your moment to try-try-try again, you don’t have to explain it to anyone except yourself.

The truth?  You may fail again.  Also the truth?  You might not.

I believe that I will someday find work that I love.  For now, it’s worth the fight.  A few lost teeth are a small price to pay.  At some point in the future, that may not be true.  I'll cross that bridge when I come to it.  However, as I continue to evaluate my own progress in my own fight, I am thankful for the Olympics and the thoughts that they have helped me to think for the last two months.  And I will continue to be inspired by the choices Olympians make in order to live their own version of a successful life – being who they are while doing something they love.